Tuesday, March 9, 2010

I must be crazy. I don't think that's a symptom though.

For the last two days, I have woken up coughing. I cough so much that it causes me to throw up. I went to work yesterday, where I was told by my boss, and others insinuated through looks, that I looked ill. I soon went home. Craig brought some food home for lunch: tacos. After he left, I slept.

This morning I coughed so much, I again threw up. In fact, I threw up in my bath. Have you ever done that before? Well. Let me tell you it is gross. Luckily, I haven't been able to hold much solid food down, so it was just liquid-y. I drained the tub, refilled, rinsed my hair and got out.

I had to go to the hospital this morning for a radiation treatment verification. Basically, they drew all over my chest, which was bared to whomever walked into the room, and took a bunch of pictures. (Don't go looking for these suckers to show up on my facebook account!)

At least my cold, which is causing the cough, won't stop my starting chemotherapy tomorrow. I thought it would, but I was told that if they had to hold off doing chemotherapy on people that had a cold, people would never get therapy!

I'm missing a lot of work from being sick. I don't have any more sick or vacation leave left. I'm already set to work only 30 hours per week. I have three classes I barely attend. I'm dealing with a legal issue, my 11 year old daughter is growing up and I'm missing it, I'm trying to find a job, and with all of this - I'm trying to get better.

I'm trying to figure out what I can do to make life easier. Craig keeps telling me that if he were in charge of me, I wouldn't had started this semester at all. But he admits he doesn't know my full ability for what I can handle. In a lot of ways, I agree with him. I shouldn't had started this semester at all. But now, here I am, eight weeks into it, and really I only have five left (after my two midterms next week and spring break). I'm passing my classes. I know I can do it - but will it be worth it? After all, what good is a degree if I'm too sick to use it? But will I go back if I stop now?

I can't afford to miss any more work. I have to keep my insurance (don't even start talking to me about socialized medicine!!). I have no choice there.

I have help in my classes. If I can make it through and finish these classes, I'll be done.

I need to feel better. My endocrinologist said we could not taper so much this quickly. I think I need to taper back up so that I feel good while I'm going through this. I'm losing weight and looking better. My jeans can slip right off without unbuttoning or unzipping.

I think that until I finish chemotherapy, I should stay on the 60 mg hydrocortisone. I will ask and let you know what he says.

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