Wednesday, October 14, 2009


I went to the endocrinologist yesterday. I was really worried about what I might here. Everything has been so undefined and unpredictable so far.

My tumor immunostained for ACTH. What a relief. That means, for sure, that my tumor is what caused my Cushing's. Now I have to do tests (24-hour urine, saliva, and blood) to make sure my ACTH and Cortisol levels aren't too low.

It was today, while walking to my car, that I realized what this really meant in my life. I was finally free. Free from this illness that caused me so much grief, pain, and more symptoms than I have ever known could be possible in one person at one time. No telling how long I actually lived with this illness. I am not even sure what to expect now. For the last several months I've just wanted to be "normal" and feel "normal." Now, I don't even know for sure what that means. What is normal?

I am going to find out what normal is. After so many years with this illness, and now recovering from the surgery to remove it, I expect it will take a long time, maybe even years, before I am completely back to myself.

As this blog explains though, I will never be the same. I've got this experience now. This history and present that have an effect on who I am - how I view the world and myself. These experiences we have in life can change us for the better or worse - I think it is our choice.

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