Tuesday, October 27, 2009

A Wrinkle in Time...

The long scar that now lines my right shoulder blade will be there forever. It will never go away. It isn't the look of it that is most annoying - for the most part, I forget that it is there. I don't often look at my back in the mirror. It is the feeling of laying on it that is obnoxious. It's like have a piece of yarn hooked onto my back. When I am laying down in bed, it feels like there is a wrinkle in the sheets and no matter how much I try to adjust myself, the wrinkle never goes away.

There are a lot of things about myself that will never be how they were before. I got braces a few months before my diagnosis with Cushing's. Now, when I look in the mirror, I am still not sure that I am "back to myself" yet. The braces have caused me to look a little different, too.

My body is going to have long-term repercussions from the Cushing's, even if I do lose all of this excess weight and become fit again. I have stretch marks that run the length of my inner thigh all the way down to just below my knees. The marks are on my hips, back, and breasts. They are so dark, I am not sure they will ever fully disappear.

I wonder if the diabetes and high blood pressure will ever go away, or if they are permanent. When will the hair on my face stop growing like I am going through male puberty?

I go to see Dr. Jones, my endocrinologist, tomorrow to go over the tests I did a few weeks ago. The 24-hour urine, saliva, and blood tests will be the topic of our discussion and I just hope he says the levels have gone down dramatically and that he suspects I should be back to my old self (whoever that is) again soon.

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