Locked Up

A year ago or so, I had lost about 20 pounds with a lot of effort. I was very dedicated to the Nutriystem diet (it works really well and the food is really good). I worked out three times a week at the field house on campus. A 15 minute aerobic warm up on an elliptical machine, then two rounds on the circuit training system, 50 crunches from the front and on each side, pelvic tilts, and yoga stretches. I had been riding my bike 8 miles each way to and from work before I started at the field house. I was feeling really good.

I started out last fall weighing about 193 pounds. By Thanksgiving, I was down to 170. I blamed myself for my weight when I started. I just couldn't understand how my face was still so round and with 450 crunches per week why my abs weren't looking like they felt - tight and strong.

I have a locker on the bottom floor of my office building. It has a body towel, floor towel, hair dryer, brush, flat iron (because I had longer hair back then), shampoo, conditioner, body wash, body scrub sponge, body lotion, mousse, hairspray, Q-tips, and a face lotion. I haven't opened that locker in nearly a year. I wonder if the stuff inside is good?

Will I use any of that again? When will I feel that way again? How hard will I have to work to get to my desired weight and health?

I don't know.

I sometimes think I will never feel good again. I don't always believe that I will be cured. I feel just as locked up as the stuff in my locker. I wonder when I'm getting out and if I'll still be good.