Monday, November 30, 2009

Pressed below normal

I cry every day.

Everything seems to set off the crying. I saw some Christmas lights on houses Friday night - crying. I heard a song on the radio - crying. I look in the mirror - crying. Laying in bed - crying.

I'm angry.

I'm trying to make everything normal. I want the things around me to be normal. I still do not know completely what normal is. That is another problem. I can't remember what it's like to be normal. To be - me.

I'm forgetting.

I don't do anything fun anymore. I have forgotten what it is like to sit in a desk at school without feeling squished. I have forgotten what it felt like to be fit and healthy. I have forgotten what it is like to have fun and be free.

Pressed below normal.

I am not sure about my future. I feel like I have no real plan of action. I cannot look to my future beyond a few weeks. Everything is so unsure.

I am trying to keep myself busy. If I can just stay busy or occupied, I don't think about things so much. If I stay up late enough, I can sleep the whole night through. Once I wake up, I start thinking and then it is all over with. I may as well get up and do something productive.

No comments:

Post a Comment