Thursday, December 24, 2009

Feeling it.

My back aches. My appetite has decreased. I'm losing weight. My skin is clearer. I waxed my facial hair, so we'll see if there are any changes there in the next few weeks. My blood pressure is nice and low (normal) and my blood sugar is much better. I feel cruddy some times and other times feel like I have a lot of energy.

I love to cook and did a lot of that today. The kitchen is really my space in the house. Luckily, I can mess it up all I want and my husband will clean it up. He's one of the beneficiaries of my labors in there, so is perfectly happy to do it. I made spritz cookies with my daugther, apple cheddar muffins with my mom, and I made dinner for all of us to celebrate Christmas Eve. After all of my time in the kitchen, I was so pooped and my back hurt so much, I kind of thought I might have overdone it.

My mom leaves on Saturday to go back to California. Knowing what I know about how I will eventually feel (crappier) and based on what I feel like now, I am worried that I won't be able to do what she's been doing for me. Somehow I have to balance everything so I can manage to do the regular things at home - mostly kitchen stuff.

I'm also worried about staying occupied with things so I don't dwell on feeling crappy or on my situation. My mother being here has been a great distraction from all of that. Halle will still be home from school all next week, but she will most likely want to play with friends. Obviously. I can't drive yet and most of my friends have to work all day, so loneliness is looking like a big possibility. While I love watching Food Network, Giada, Guy, and Tyler can only hang with me in 30 minute increments and they don't really interact or anything... :)

The week after that, my last week of leave, Halle will be in school. I'm hoping to be off of the pain medication by then so I can drive her to school. Also, it will help me tremendously if I can get out - even to go down to Craig's work each day to have lunch with him or something. I can't just sit around at home. By then, I will hopefully be used to feeling crappy and won't sit around feeling that way. I would much rather be out and about feeling crappy if I can.

Tomorrow is Christmas. Actually, it is in 10 minutes here. I know the greatest gift I and my family have received this year is the knowledge that my Cushing's is gone and that I am on my way to recovery now from that and cancer. Not only do I feel the pain and changes happening to my body, I also feel the thoughts and prayers of my friends and family. So many people have been pulling for me, thinking of me, and keeping me in their prayers. I have never felt so much compassion and love in all of my life. It is such a good feeling and one that I know has truly helped me through all of this. Nothing can match the power of good feelings to uplift a soul.

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