Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Humpty Dumpty and the Great Train Wreck

How am I going to do this? How am I going to go back to work and school? I wonder how I'm going to drive, for heaven's sake. I get so tired - really it's like to most fatigue I've ever felt at one time. My arms and legs feel like lead weight, but rubbery. I sometimes feel like it's just getting worse, rather than better. I wonder when I'll start seeing evidence of change - when I'll start really feeling better, instead of worse.

If I am going to start school and return to work in a few weeks, something has to change. I have to start feeling better somehow. I can't possibly be productive in my current state! I'm like a train wreck with all of my pieces scattered all over the track. The whole purpose of a train is to move on the track, transporting things from place to place. If it's broken, it can't be productive - like me. I feel like I couldn't fulfill my purpose right now because I'm broken. I'm scattered all over my own track.

I need to be put back together again. So far, not even the king's horses or men have been able to do this. I hope modern medicine has a chance.


  1. Hi! I love your blog which I just discovered today, and I am so sorry you have had to deal with so much . I have had one surgery for Cushing's (pituitary), but now have a recurrence, so I can empathize somewhat. However, I have not had cancer. MaryO (owner/webmaster/guru of cushings-help.com and message boards) has dealt with kidney cancer and Cushing's. I just wanted you to know that you do have folks who care, and if you want to join the boards or join us on facebook, we'd love to support you. We care.

  2. Thank you Robin. I use my blog as a form of mental therapy to get through all of this. It's nice to know it's read by others. I've been to MaryO's blog and she's commented on mine before - I think she made a link to it once referencing one of my posts. I like her blog a lot.

    Thanks again for commenting and I hope you will read often.

    Heather Rasmussen